等

我发现最近的生活都在，等。。

觉得自己已尽力了，做到我觉得应该做的事了，就等吧。。 其实，一切其实言之过早了吧。。 但我累了。 我曾经兼职两份工作，两份都是我喜欢的，但老实讲，做得真得不够好，人就是不能太贪心啊！我很想对一个朋友说，我很感激你，给我机会，谢谢你为了让我有所寄托，为我安排的一切。。

但，我还是很希望我能得到我要的东西！鼎文，幸福总会眷顾努力不懈的人，而“奇迹” 只会降临永不言弃的人身上， 是真的吗？我等的，会是我的幸福吗？我一直很想，有个家。因为他的家吧，让我很希望我的家也是那样。其实，常爱说，我爸妈为了工作没有时间给我，但其实不是的，至少他们时常带我出坡 （虽然他们的目的是谈生意，但我们至少都常去旅行，我应该比弟好命了吧，所以我说过一定要疼他啊！）我好想他们，虽然我们刚见面了，但好像不怎么够。小时候，放工回家，见到我，抱着我，爸都会逗我笑；那天，只是含蓄的说了两句，“你回来了啊？几点到？”，但我都懂他们很疼我， 因为我也是，但从来都没跟他们说过。。 XD

最近我做了见大错特错的事，放慢了脚步，知道自己要的是什么，方向在那里，我想我只有往哪里闯了吧。。跌倒了，在爬起来，我一直记着一个朋友说的话，"everything happens have the purpose, GOD wants us to be strong.." 我要加油了。。听说，吸引立法则很厉害，我只要认定我要的目标，我就能把它给吸过来，那我要更加加油了，我希望明天能接到你的电话。。谢谢！

独乐乐，不如众乐乐

独乐乐，不如众乐乐；大家都好，都开心是最好的。但如果只有众乐乐，我不乐呢？

不能，我就是不爽，我做不到就是做不到。。 =（

说真的，我开始很讨厌你们！！ 最后悔的事就是搬过去住！！！

黑色情人节

今天听到电台说，今天是黑色情人节，是没情人的人过的情人节。。刚好我也是。。我，和公司谈恋爱了大半天，感觉大家的感情谈了，对“它” 只有责任的感情，为了责任而在一起，为了生活而在一起，有意义吗？但在还没找到更适合的“它” 前，大家就为由，勉强的一天过一天。。[人与人也是这样吗？，希望我和我的 “他”就不是，我们要为了大家而在一起，为了幸福，为了我们的家，我们的将来，我在等你哦！34天后，我们再次重逢了，我好期待，我们的家人，我们的朋友，都是！都在等你回来。。 XD ]

今天刚好也是印度人的新年，大家都很开心穿起sari.好是热闹，很想参他们玩，但我必须一人顶三人的工作，只能拼命做，反而觉得他们很吵很烦。。[想到都烦！！] 所以说，两个人在一起，不是两个人的事，两个人在一起，如果有朋友，家人，两个人圈子的朋友支持的话，两个人能走得更远，更有意义。。 我和“它”就没有 [更没有人支持我们的，大家都叫我离开你。。]，我每天早上七点半和“它”约会，大家独自相处到四点半，或更迟，我们谈得除了，工作，就没什么了，大家都各自找自己的朋友聊天，玩一下游戏，就说再见，每天都一样。最不能顶的就是，你每天都让我觉得很恶心，我每天在你身上找到指甲，卷卷的毛发，饼碎，我不懂在我离开你的时候，你做了什么来，我受不了了，我想到都想吐！！！！每天都在想不见你的理由，但我对你的责任感很重，毕竟你是我的“初恋”。。

哇，我觉得我今天写得很好也，大家一定很迷惑，为什么有 "他" 又有 “它”。。很认识我的人就懂我在说什么,朋友就是这样,要互相了解,互相关怀..

我终于等到你要回来了。。

在这两年里，发生过很多事，很多时候都很想有个伴在身边，很多时候都有很多很善良的人，知道我没伴，而一直陪着我。。这一路，走得很倦，但也很开心。。其实虽然我们各分两地，也有好处的，我们可以考验我们的感情。而且，我认识到很多朋友,在很多人的身上学了很多东西。。

很珍惜我和他的感情，虽然大家的实在距离很远，但感情却没疏远到，而且有增无减。不过，我相信我们俩都在变，两年了，如果说，大家都没变，那我们真的是，白过了。。所以我都蛮期待和他从新开始的生活。虽然在我很迷惑的时候,他不在.但我并没有因为他不在而感到不开心,因为我知道就算他不在我身边,就算我不在他身边,我们有那一种默契,信赖 来关心着大家.时时刻刻为大家加油.真得很珍惜这一切。。

希望这次在机场见到你，我不哭了。。 XD

21-12-2009

好没心情工作啊.. 今天好象也没什么的, 也许是每天都是这样吧, 好无聊..

今天大伙还在为星期五的事件在忙,可是忙也忙不出什么,又不是老板,不能做决定,所以就不理啦,反正他也亏了几个月的一百五十millions...[argh... 我在做什么??? 不想堕落下去,但却提不起劲]

今天手脚很快,一下就把许多报告搞定.. [因为归心似箭]

再这样下去,我就做不下去啦.. 是不是应该转工.此地没有欣赏我的人,一定还有可容我之处吧.. [惨了,就是越做就越不懂自己要什么,连当初的梦想也没了.. 可悲!]

相信对我有所期待的,也对我失望了吧,真是无言相对.. [对不起了,我真的让你失望了吧,虽然你不告诉我,我也知道]

新的一年应该会有新希望吧.. 快点过吧, 好可悲的二十三岁.. 好老了, 岁月果然不留人.. [想回到从前]

20-12-2009

Made a stupid decision again to follow them out. stressed, boring and tired i can say.. anyway, we should always try something different from what we used to do right? hmm.. satisfied sunday.

Can't wait to see my family around. x'mas will be my lovely cousin's wedding. the whole family will b coming to kl. some relatives are here already. after the wedding, i'll b having a week off. that's the best part of my working life.

Though lot of plans (US, Singapore, Taiwan) just bubbled , but i'm sure as long as i'm not going thru these days in the office and as long as i'm not alone (with my family) then i'll b vr satisfied already. =)

19-12-2009

So boring. I don't even remember what I did this whole day. hmm.. watching drama home alone. but kinda enjoy it when i just rest for 4 hours the day before it..

Oh ya, I went movie with cousin. Argh.. for the 1st time, i realized that no matter how nice is the movie, the person you go with must be the right one, else you won't really enjoy the movie. why i say so? can you stand when the person next to you, just keep eye'ng on ppl's popcorn and the person on the other side of you just keep snooring? sucks.. spoilt the mood.. =_="'

Hope to see ya soon.. you're the best partner.. (",)

18-12-2009

Today got a call from Usafis, thought i'm that lucky to win the green card lottery. but end up she leads me to give her my credit card number. :S

It's rejected in the end, but in the bottom of heart, i actually wish that it's true. i really wish my america dream comes true. . disappointed.. Can I try? :( *don't be silly*, this is what i have from a friend.

forget about that, without the green card, i'll be there very soon too.. vr soon..

Today's AM gathering was a good one. Hope for more coming up and really miss those days.. miss my dearly housemates.. miss "e-zhi-ya" studymates.. yay, public holiday.. woo hoo.. hoping a blast 1..

不能说的秘密

XXXXXXXX,

XXX,XXXXXXXXX.
XXXXXXXXXXXX.XXXXXXXX.

XX,XXXXXXX,XXXXXX.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
XXXXX,XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX,XXXXXXXXXXX;XXXXXXXXX,XXX,XXX.

XXXXXXXX,XXXXXXXXXX.XXXXXXXXX,XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
XXXXXXXXX,XXXXXXX.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX,XXXXXX.XXXX,X,XXX,XXXXXXXXXXXX.
XXXXXXXX,XXXXXXXXXXX.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.XXXXXXXXXXX.XXXXXX.
XXXXX,XXXX,XXXXXXX,XXXXXXXX,XX,XXXXXX?
XX,XXXXXXXX.XXXX.XXXXXXXX,XXXXXXXXXXXXX.XX

XXX,XXX,XXX..

Fast forward

Time passes vr vr fast...

Every month, that would be something, something that push me to "fast forward" my life.
Nobody loves to "fast forward". I have to. I can't wait to lean on the shoulder. The pillar of support. Not too sure is it too fast, alot happiness yet alot of tears. Injuries everywhere.

June-"Where're you? Why you're not here yet?"
July-"Mind your words"
August-"Never say freak"
September-"Don't be like John"
October-"Don't let ppl think klsd is stupid"
November-"The more they do, the more mistakes they make"
December, I'm looking for you. I tried my best.. but I'm down..

@ work...

Today suppose is vr busy o..coz i'm still new n i desperately want to go home earlier today. I'm so so so tired n stressed. My pro colleague is leaving us soon. Now, the boss start monitoring us. last time he seldom ask or order us to do anything. But recently, he put me in a new report. stressed. who likes to work with him? somemore out of 3 of us, i'm d oni person handling this, n it's so bored n useless. but who dare to sound??

I really don understand why ppl here don really talk until lunch n lunch time is d oni hour i enjoy d most coz i meet a few very easy going n happy friends. but d rest of time, i'll be jz facing d computer n speed n speed to my reports done in time. if not, everybody wil "ping" u n ask "where is d report? i need it to do my part!!!" oh ya, fyi, "ping" rite? means msg or text. i dono y they use "ping". n we hav 1 chat room rite msn, which is called sametime n the stuffs of csc from all over d world communication with each other by using sametime to ping each other.

the thing i most afraid of is when there're replies for my reports. it's vr scary de. it might be saying, "Something missing in your data", "Can you double check the fugure for ...."... yuks! this feeling is suck! i keep doing mistakes i dono y. haih.. the reports will need to b sent out by 11am bt now d server gone crazy.. i oso almost crazy d.. so stressed until i keep waking up at nite, afraid tat i cant wake up in d morning. sigh.. somemore cant talk.. it's so killing.. wish me luck..

另一个新开始。。

天下无不散的宴席，转眼间难挨的大学生活这样结束了。感觉很空虚，很多时候当我不懂怎么面对的一件事或一个人，我很想就匆匆地跳到终点。现在我抵达了句点，我很想说，我已习惯有你们的日子了。可以重来吗？

已绝种的超级恐龙先生，我很想和你谈关于“恼”的问题；平时没两句同房的小姐，很想跟你说, “唱k去吧！把一切抛开脑后。。”； 每天朝夕相对的好朋友，你好吗？好后悔，我们临别前是这样的，如果当时我能包容一点，可能就不会这样草草结束了，好想你，希望你不要怪我的任性；平时很照顾我的“姐妹”，以前很想说你很烦，可是现在我很想听你的声音；还有无缘无故当了我弟的，很谢谢你平时都赞我美，呵呵，想否认都不行，呵呵，我傻了，谢谢你，给我找到工作。。谢谢大家，谢谢你们，让我开开心心的在“工厂式”大学过了非常愉快的大学生活。

曾经有过一个好朋友，他动不动就跟我说谢谢，谢谢你打电话给我，谢谢你邀我看戏（其实是我想看的戏，有什么好谢的？？），谢谢你今天来见我等等的。。我觉得这人好奇怪，他都没朋友吗？没人对他那样过吗？谢什么哦？后来我发现原来当你懂得感激，你会更加地珍惜你所拥有的一切啊。。虽然大家都走了，“家”也散了，那种感觉很不惯，时常会有莫名的空虚，难受，可是心中都在祝福大家。。很难解释那种心情。。=）

现在的我啊，每天都过着一样的生活，早上天没亮就上班，对着荧幕八个小时后，就一身闷气+累得回家，天天都等放工，除了等放工，也在等星期五，等到了，也很闷，因为我将要面对我的学生，好在他们够天真可爱，可以让我傻笑一下，笑完了又要气我，好累嘞！突然不懂我要的是什么？好怕我会忘了我的理想，虽然它并很不伟大。。呵呵。。如果现在有个人给我抱一下又多好，其实有，可是 她们太小只了，抱着她们象在保护她们多一点。。呵呵。。好怀念那熟悉的肩膀。。好悲哦，我的人生一直在等。。

我的新家的家人其实都很好，之前还不想住进来的，现在都过得好开心。他们让我感到好窝心，很感动哦。。在这住了三年有余，从来没想过会有人会煲汤给我喝，甚至给我烫衣，补衣的。。我妈也没这样。。真不好意思哦，妈！今天，好静，大伙都出去了，我一个人在家，突然想起好多东西，很纳闷，写了好多奇怪的东西。有种感觉是，hmm..我是时候跟大家说说我的境况了，虽然也不见得写得很好。。呵呵！什么也不重要，开心就好！

工作的同事还不错,有几个还谈的来的..每天早早到公司开电脑,跟宝贝讲话,顺便跑一些data等同事来了后去吃早餐,吃了后回公司边工作边打瞌睡,然后吃午餐跟同事傻一下,笑一下,就回办公室做下午的工作,天天都这样.其实我很不明白为什么他们能做工时都不讲话, 好无聊咧!! 有一天我的同事终于问我, “你对这份工闷了吗?”. 才两个礼拜罢了呢.. 有谁有提神的方法救我吗? 很难顶这么早,6.30am就要开车去上班了.结果我撞车了..呜呜..到现在还没跟妈讲咧..

怪！

最近有点忙，忙到不懂为什么忙？奇怪！

原以为跟家人一起住会开心一点，也不是不开心，只是希望大家每天都是开开心心就更好！

有始有种不想回家的感觉，矛盾！

新生活

i'm having some great time recently. =) i started to work already although not much money but i feel very happy working there as everybody is treating me very nice especially i'm the only girl there. but sometimes of course i need to do some guys' works as well. it's not too hard for me as i'm kind of mommy's boy, guys can do, i can do better. now the life is better and more meaningful as i don't have time to simply think already. so i actually don't think of him that much already. don't know it's a good thing or bad. just as long as we keep up each other i think it's alright. after 5 days working in the company, i actually went to the annual dinner. and the best part is i got the lucky draw of a LG washing machine. haha. i'm now staying with my uncle already, so i'll just give it to my uncle i guess. staying with uncle is easy as i don't have to think of the food, the transport and everything but when i see my housemate and roommate, i miss them and feel like go back to the same house with them. haha. kind of conflicting feeling. the people in work are all very nice. i scared i'll fall for a guy but i don't want to be a Muslim. haha. he's tall, nice and handsome. but it's hard to communicate with him. i learnt alot of things in my work. i got discounted food at the work place cafe, i got discount for buying the company's stuff and many other benefits. though i need to ride motorbike to work, and it's the very first time riding motorbike in kl but i feel very free and enjoy especially when i see people are stucked in the jam while i can easily get thru them. it's not fun when it's raining but that won't stop me from riding bike, i like the freedom feeling. i don't think others could understand why i feel so but it's real fun. but after staying in uncle's house, he fetches me to work everyday, once in awhile i got VIOS to drive to work too. but i always mengantuk while driving, i feel very bored and quiet driving alone though i switch on the radio as loud as possible but i still feel very sleepy in the car. what's wrong to me? there's once when i drove home from work, all the way i actually didn't switched on the head light and i didn't realize it until i almost got home. working life is so fresh to me but there's something i really left behind that really scared me out. i don't have the mood to finish up my FYP. if i couldn't finish it up before the semester starts then i'll die hard! gambateh to me! tomorow will be better!

错字连篇

看一看回自己写的东西才发现有很多错字，还不怎么会用华语字写。。呵呵！可是算有进步了，还蛮快的！因为我发现了space的伟大，只要我按space，他会自动找字给我，可是他也会乱乱帮我换字。。昨天，我想说的是，我想去当短暂行的尼姑，而不是又要去当。。呵呵！可是需要和很大的勇气，因为我必须去剃光头！那以后我跟他就是同发型了，我不大能接受！还有一张考试呢，加油，加油！不要在最后一刻放弃，加油！！！

安息吧！

前几天伟槟的公公离开他们了，今天舅母的妈妈也走。。人生无常，一定要珍惜身边所爱的人。。如果人能长命百岁哪有多好！那如果一个人在生的时候并不适合开心，收尽苦头，我们应该希望它能长命百岁，还是让他回到极乐世界去，好让他逃脱生命中的痛苦呢？我好害怕我身边的人会有事，我只想大家能够开开心心，健健康康的过日子。我并不要求太多。曾几何时，我又去当短暂性的尼姑。我觉得我又太多东西放不下了，也许是心中又贪吧！我对生活又要求，可是我不喜欢那种有要求，却又达不到过后的那种低落。。当我得到了一样我很想要的，我又会觉得不够，这个不够好那个也不够。。结果，自己在那丢伤心。。很想改变一下自己对所有东西的看法，觉得自己还不够好，脾气不好，待人处事也不好，最厉害就是忍。。人家说什么事也要忍，是吗？那如果事情一已经超越了自己所能及得极限，还要忍吗？其实，我是否应该去宽容而不是去忍啊？忍，并代表我很宽容，也只可说是，忍得！

前几天我都到我舅舅家住，刚好我的阿姨也在哪里。她真是让我想揍她，小心眼，自私，偏心，爱说长道短，每天就是没完没了的，真的有够难顶的！我也因为她忍到很辛苦，甚至晚上发梦也梦到和她吵架。。吵到我也睡迟了，差点就迟到去考试！因为她是长辈我不能没礼貌，可是。。可是我也有错，为什么我也要那样斤斤计较？放下，放下！我一定要知足常乐！我已经很幸福了，有那么多对我好的家人，朋友；虽然大家都离我远远的，可是我是感受到大家的爱。。

不晓得为什么今天那么多东西讲。。我好像假期了。。其实，还有一张考试呢？心在哪里？？？

远距离..

我很讨厌距离..有些距离是远的又也是近的;代购的距离,不满的距离;总而言之距离是不健康的!喜欢一个人又不好意思让他知道,等到有勇气了又太迟了;讨厌一个人是最辛苦的,讨厌他又不能让他知道,可是看到他就是不爽,奇怪!有些人有了喜欢他的人,可是却不懂得珍惜;没有了才哭哭啼啼,有用吗?我在讲你啊!听到了没有!!哭,只有让大家拿难受,只有自己拿来伤心,只有把自己的身体搞坏,那样好吗?从今天起,让大家都过着为了大家而活得精彩,而不是活得死去活来的..办得到吗?

我觉得又有些人真的好奇怪!明明跟自己的另一半谈这远距离的恋爱,相差6小时已经很难受了,最后抵挡不住距离的折磨,总就分手;可是他却又有勇气去接受比6小时更远的恋情,这叫什么?ridiculous!我看了他和她的部落格,他们不害羞吗?当他和她在开开心心的时候,他又想过以前的她可能过的不什么好吗?他又想过她的感受吗?可能我没有资格说着种话,曾几何时有人就这么地对我说的.他好自私!没错也许他有他选择自己幸福的权利,可是我希望在他觉得自己很幸福的时候,别把幸福当武器地在伤害她..女生外表可能很坚强,可是在你说你幸福的每件小事时,也许她的玻璃心已经碎了..

不懂为什么我今天很想讲他,也许我也在为我的他不好受吧!我们从3小时的距离,拉近到零距离,在拉元到我已经过完了我的今天,而他才开始他的今天..上一则故事我在报章上独到的,然后就一直未受伤的她打抱不平!如有雷同,纯属巧合..

中秋节

住在吉隆坡这种大城市，我不觉得中秋节有什么意义。在这，佳节也只有买卖的意义而已！生意人乘佳节把东西有几贵就炒几贵；消费者也乘佳节shopping啊！很现实的！有谁会好象铭挥所说的，中秋节要记得常娥为什么要奔月？武松为什么要砍树？who cares?好想念以前大家在太平湖一起污染太平湖的日子！时光一去永不回，很难有机会再一起聚在那儿了吧！

在中秋节前夕，我到了一个小地方庆祝中秋节，那地方应该是吉隆坡难见的一个地方吧！就在一个小到不行的草地，那里搭了篷，有个小歌台，有人唱歌；另一边又有个篷挂着很多灯笼，灯笼下有的猜灯谜，当然旁边也放了很多小礼物；再另外一边就有歌长桌用来放月饼的。。除此，还有派灯笼呢，这时刻可是小孩子最开心的。。我说了这样多的重点是我没有像想到在这个地方可以一分钱都不必花，而且又有舞狮，小丑，烟花等。。让我觉得这城市还有一些人情味，而不是做什么都讲钱，而且它甚至比花钱买东西来的有意义，来的开心！而且现场的画面是很感人的！
！


我曾经想过如果他有在的话我会有机会去机会去到那个地方吗?可是不管会是怎样我都希望有他在我身边.其实,不是有钱就会开心的;没有钱也有没有钱的开心,没什么以前会那么执著,会那么不开心呢?人很矛盾..

没有他的第一天

他现在应该还在飞机上吧。。宝贝好厉害，他忍得到，也因为这样，大家是笑者看他离开，我以为我能做得到不哭，结果只有我哭。。我以为我很坚强，我以为我可以重新来过，那是因为他还在我身边，有他在，我什么也能，没有他，我什么也不是。。

chinese is easy to say, but freaking hard to type, short paragraph only also take me some time figure out the pin yin already.type until i also don't know how i feel already. jieh said i should treat this as a test but not separation, but how long will this test goes and why i always have to go through this. i thought i can handle it well, in fact, i really really miss him. whole night didn't sleep waiting for his message. where are u now? are u alright? reach seoul already? why no message me? it's already 11.53 in the morning..heading to atlanta? is the flight to seoul is so bad like chong said?

in this very first day, i have to pick up my mood for tomorrow's test and presentation. after this, take a bath, take a breath then i should start to study already. he's doing very hard and i must do the same as well to make our "test" score with flying colors, our "test" must worth the value and how much sacrification we put. i must remember what we promise each other! i shall think that we're special, we have to go thru special training to strengthen our relationship. this test is our future. I BELIEVE I CAN FLY,I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKY,EVERY NIGHT AND EVERY CLOUDY DAY...

Back to School

2day is d second day in school.. so boring!waiting4class now bt dono wat2do so check friendster bt oso check til vr sian d.. so hav alook on my blog.. i havent even completed my 3rd day journey in Bangkok.. so.. jz 4get bout it.

i saw 3 lecturers d.. 1 is d stupid old tutor tat i comment badly bout him in student survey, always late n say things no point!he teaches us non-parametric statistics, abit scared later he remember me kill me in his subject.. hopefully d comment thingy is confidential! d 1st day he ad recommend us a vr GOOD book, which means he wants us to STUDY ON YOUR OWN!!

d 2nd lecturers even older.. all UTAR young n smart lecturers left d school d.. they don't wan to go Kampar campus next time so all cabut quick quick! back2d oldest lecturer, he's not bad bt vr nagging, simple things oso say til no days no nights like tat, so vr soon after he start talking d whole class will start Zzz already! Vr keng punya Professor! he's d 1st professor i met in UTAR. i've been taught by a few Dr. oni so far! Prof. means 60++ years old.. old man teaching elementary real analysis-alot of proving!Zzz...

d 3rd 1, teaches us linear regression analysis.. sth to do wif statistics.. this semester i took 2 major statistic subjects n 2 maths subjects + a programming subject. dono how2go thru this semester..luckily d last semester gone thru already somemore gain an A in sociology!WooHoo..!!

now i realize my strong subject is not in maths subjects or programming subjects bt is in arts subjects! shit! dono how to survive til final year..sigh!god bless me k!

hm..hav2stop here d..i feel like im interrupting others in d library by typing too late bt cheapo comp wif cheapo keyboard i ad tried my best to type bt stil so loud..tat's all for 2day!

happy everyday!!(",)